This summer has been emotionally exhausting for me. I am told over and over by several people that the DS only gives what one can handle and that the difficult situations are tests. Maybe so. I know either way one must deal with whatever is tossed their way.
It's funny. The world is so huge but add the internet and we are all connected by clicks of our mouse, like neighbors.
I must be careful in all that I write here as I am fully aware of who is reading my posts. People think they are so smart but let information out during random conversations letting me know they are reading my thoughts within my blogs. Yes, this is people I see, speak and deal with face to face.
I know you are reading my blogs and you know who you are. I just want you to know I am aware.
It is said that you have to be careful with what you wish for. Personally I find this to be true (over and over). When I have wished and asked for my prayers to be answered, the end result (which takes some time for me to feel the change) is much different than I thought it would be. Expectations is a kick in the pants!!! I compromized my intellectual integrity to obtain a position.  I was ego driven.  I must spend more time in the future asking myself why I want the things I want so badly.
I've recently had a situation that caught me completely off guard. The whole ordeal shocked me, sent my physical body in upheaval. I tried to hold back the details of the incident from my husband because I knew he would become upset that I was so internally preoccupied. He knows me so well and immediately picked up on my altered energy. I shared the events and he became mad that I allowed another to treat me in such a manner.
My shock turned to confusion and has now turned to a simmering anger. I am disappointed that I allowed someone to take control of my emotional state and dump THEIR garbage on me and a friend that means so much to me.
I try very hard to be true to myself and my authentic nature. Yet, over the years I have encountered many who have deep issues that involve sabotaging others for no apparent reason. Sometimes I think these people are blind to their own actions. Either they don't acknowledge their hateful behavior or they feel justified. When is hateful words and actions ever justified? When actions are premeditated and result in intentionally hurting another, how is that yogic or compassionate?
My yoga practice and life has helped me turn my attention away from trying to understand why people do the things they do. I can only be responsible and own my actions. I can't control another human being. But what I must learn to handle immediately on the spot is cutting off any form of verbal, non-verbal or physical disrespect and abuse as it happens.
I teach yoga because I love yoga in all forms.....not just the physical. I do not teach to pay my bills, I do not teach to inflate my ego, I do not teach to stay in shape,etc......
I teach because I want to empower others to take control of their thoughts and actions. I want others to know that they have the capacity to manifest the life they want and rightly deserve.
I've felt many times that I've had to defend my teaching ability. I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone. As long a I am serving the good for all my students, that is what matters most to me. I am not in a competition. I've dealt with competition my whole life and am not interested in any being who has a competitive nature. Life is so much more than "I am" and "You are"!
These energy vampires are taking me away from my important work in cultivating a non-dualistic attitude in all that I do. I want to learn to control the fluctuations of my emotions.
From this point forward, I will no longer allow any individual to disrespect my personal being, morals, ethics, and professional manner. I am valuable. I know my self worth. If that is not appreciated and respected, I will remove myself from a negative situation that does not authentically support and nurture my spiritual growth.
I will not allow ANYONE to devalue my efforts. My intention is pure. Although angry, I can still sleep at night. I don't need to meditate for days. My meditation is meant for my spiritual exploration, growth and mental detox.I will not waste my precious meditation time on figuring out how I can mask my personal issues as something more spiritual that what they truly are. I will not dump my shit on others.......EVER!!!!!
I have come as far as I have come on my own. I am stronger than I could ever have imagined. To allow someone to abuse my personal work ethics or my true being will no longer be an option.
I release my anger from this moment on!!!
And so it shall be!!!
Sat Nam!!!

I share my soul here. Why some might ask? Well, I don't have many face to face I can share with and my views seem to make non-yogis uncomfortable.
I've had so much happening in my life. This summer has been dedicated to meeting my work responsibilities in a professional manner and taking care of my son's health. I've really not had any interest in socializing as usual or making small talk.
I've been study scriptures, philosophy, anatomy, practicing chants/mantras.......absorbing myself in the self.
I have a tendency to become creative when I am very stressed. Either I draw, paint or create some artwork. My focus, when I am in creative mode is a one point focus...always has been that way for me.  It's almost an escape for me.  These will soon be for sale in a local spiritual boutique and a yoga studio.




So I guess this is a positive. The time spent on creating these garments has taken me away from my constant inner noise.
Emotionally I have been detoxing for about 8 months. My son being ill put me over the edge. I'm crashing. All issues are surfacing. I'm questioning life, marriage, friendships, finances, and my yoga.
I read (for the second time) "Kundalini for Beginners" by Ravinda Kumar. The first time I read this, three years ago, I was very frustrated and didn't enjoy or connect one bit. But this time, I felt as if the words I was reading came straight from my chitta. I actually shed tears of joy because it validated 'the whys" of feeling the way I am right now. I believe it's due to my unconscious transformation.  But as I read on I also felt a sadness sweep over me. He also stated that it is almost impossible to follow the path to enlightenment while remaining in a traditional and conventional western family unit. I agree with that assessment.
I have no other word to label what I have been going through besides grieving. Maybe mourning.........
It's been a slow process but I know I have changed tremendously. Many do not like the change in me. I no longer fit in. I can't fit in.  I'd like to think the change is all positive but it's hard when all around you are not supportive of the change. Eevn my parents seem sad that I have changed so much.
I don't want to take steps backward but I know I am grieving what use to be. I'm finding it hard to socialize with the massive group of friends my husband and I are part of. Actually it's really not much of an issue because they have pretty much pushed me out.  The issue for me is my significant other not understanding me. I am not blaming anyone. If anything, I have myself to blame because I also pushed them out of my life. I just can't relate to their priorities. I think they believe I think I'm superior which is not the case. I just want to live a peaceful life and I don't find the peace in gossiping about others, materialism, competition. I don't want my life to revolve around those issues. I feel like they don't understand me or even care to understand me.
I read these words from the book
"Aloneness and the Desire for Love"
These are two important factors that are generally found in people following a spiritual path. Aloneness is obvious since such people people are normally out of the common masses who waste most of their time in satisfying wordly desires. A spiritually inclined person finds himself alone, even in the most crowded places. If such a person talks about the bliss he has experienced beyond any material pleasure, the result is twofold. A group of individuals believe him and want to follow the path and experience that bliss, or non-believers will ridicule on matters they know nothing about, thereby becoming enemies. Naturally, if the spiritually inclined or enlightened one has ideas/knowledge/wisdom that contradicts those of the non-believers, their goal will be to get rid of him because their personalities are being downgraded. In fact, if there is a group of overwhelmingly jealous people, they will more than likely remove the spiritual person from the scene. One has greater security if there is no competition or challenge of their beliefs and morals.

This is so what I am feeling right now. What plays on me time and time again is that I don't want to belong to a group of people that is consumed with themselves but yet I am sad that I am divided and separate.
I'm going through some major internal issues and it's really kicking me in the booty physically and mentally. I pray to Ganesh and DS  for strength and guidance. I'm so drained.
I don't want this path to pull me completely out of main stream but yet I am having trouble finding the balance. I am in a blissful state when I am surrounded by like minded people. There are no spiritual (at least as deep as me) people who are blood related. I find the bliss out of my family but I need to bridge that feeling within so I can conect more, feel a strong sense of belonging, feeling grounded and strong.
Life is so hard and amazing.  I would just like a break from monkey mind. I need to recharge and I can't when I'm alone because the mind is a constant with these energy draining thoughts swirling in my head.

Snakeyes, thank you for all your kind words and wisdom.
Hemalayaa, I am still trying to find a way to you next week.
Metta

Being a parent has to be the hardest job there is yet we just go about it day to day without really paying attention.............until something makes you pay attention.
My youngest son wasn't feeling well for some time. What we thought was a belly ache due to stress and an infected insect bite was much more. I had a gut feeling something was wrong but I have the tendency to be a bit over the top with health issues. I never thought it could be this serious.
After many doctor visits, an unexpected trip to the hospital, and several blood tests and invasive medical procedures we finally received the official diagnosis. My son was diagnosed with Crohn's Colitis. This news was devastating. Both my husband and I  feel so helpless. There is nothing worse than seeing your child's health deteriorate and not be able to take care of them.
I tired to research this disease and spent many a.m. and p.m. hours crying at my computer. This is a life long disease and it seems each person is very indivdual in how their immune system handles the disease and responds to treatment.
My son is on three different medications (16 pills a day and on liquid 4x a day). We have to meet with the nutritionist and G.I. specialist, and still have more testing next week.
I just want my boy to smile and laugh again. This is my number one concern......his emotional well being. He's pre-teen and this will have an impact on his social development.
I'm overwhelmed with all we have to do. I am still in shock.
As a parent you never think illness can strike. It's so humbling when something like this touches your child. You start to view the world and the people around you differently, almost appreicating the littlest thing and no doubt realizing who your real friends are.
 
I must admit, I didn't know much about Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis before this. I've heard the names before but was not aware of how disruptive it can be physically and emotionally.  And for some reason, the number of new cases diagnosed is rising quickly. They don't know the particular cause, although genes and environment seem to play a significant role, along with diet.
My tears have somewhat subsided for now. I cried for three weeks straight. And I have to say the worst was watching my child being put under for the procedures.
I wanted to bring my son into Manhattan to see Mahatma Amma for her Darshan but he is not physically strong enough. I have given one of my student's a picture of my son and hopefully Amma will place her blessing upon him.
Yes, my yoga is my life, ingrained in me deep, but I am a mother always and forever. My boys are my life.  I look at them and start to tear from the love that resides within.

I told my son that is might be our calling to bring recognition to this disease within the schools. Attending school for children who have Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis came be emotionally draining. I will be a fearless warrior for my son and any other child who has this illness.  I will absorb as much information as possible and use that knowledge to educate the community.
Unfortunately, someone who has these diseases might not appear to be ill but can have a very serious flare-up. Under those circumstances, there needs to be the necessary allowances and compassion for a child to grow and thrive. I will be the advocate to spread knowledge to teachers and the community.
I am so thankful that I have two women in my life who have helped me tremendously in coping with my emotions. I thank Connie and Susan for their ears and hugs and support.
I felt so alone, as if hiding a secret. We didn't want to share the information with local friends due to the fact that we didn't want the parents to talk in the presence of their children. We didn't know what was going on and the last thing my son needed was to be labeled as sick, so I really had no one to share and vent. That is where Connie and Susan helped me tremendously. They hugged me, listened and let me cry and express my fears. I am forever grateful for their wisdom, compassion and friendship. They both have a tender place in my heart. I will forever be grateful to them.
During this time I worked and tried my best to carry on as usual but it was so difficult. For the most part I thought I was detaching well but there were some students that noticed something was different in me. Here I am trying to inspire them and provide a stable energy to draw on and I was having trouble staying centered myself.
I have to have that personal mantra the "this too shall pass" but quite honestly I don't know what the future has in store for my son. This disease will make "living in the moment" a reality. My yoga will have a new life and depth. There is no doubt my son's life will change. I am going to bring him under my wing and open him to spirituality, healthful living and yoga. I want to teach him that this can be positive and that he can draw strength from his personal experiences to help others.  We can not just think about ourselves. There is a larger lesson to be learned here. We have to be the change to inform the masses.
Please give me strength DS. I ask for the benefit of others. I need to be as solid as a stone for my son. I believe in you and know you will guide me and watch out for my son. I am trusting you completely.
Mish

I came across this zaadz's member and felt inspiration and connection with a love I have but have not labeled. I think I like the label. I'm a tree lover too.
This girl's pictures and words are beautiful.
http://organicearthsoul.zaadz.com/

Here's a pic in celebration of trees that are older than 100+ years

I admit it! I eat, drink and sleep yoga. I can't help it. It's my mother cradling me in her arms. It calms me when I'm upset, It makes me feel overwhelming joy, it helps me love and forgive all, including my so called enemies.
The reactions I receive from my long term friends are vaired. I'm sure some are comenting behind my back that I'm becoming somewhat strange. I embrace that. They are not in touch with themselves. They are living a life that works for them. I am living a life that works for me. I can't imagine my life unfolding any other way than it is.  I am driven and passionate. I'm 43 years old and I can honestly say there has never been anything in my life that has given me the strength, courage, inspiration, drive, passion to continue on. Yoga is my comfort. It is Home!
It seems for some time now, life for me has been full to the brim. I have been fortunate to reach many souls through many venues. I believe the divine spirit has a path for me to follow. I have been trying my best to meet opportunity with joy and thankfulness. But I must be mindful of my physical self. I am pushing myself to extremes.
My health has suffered over the past few months. I've always had a very sensitive digestive system. Stress can wreck havoc on me.  The constant teaching of classes, attending workshops, special events, and family obligations have really put me on a very strict schedule.  I've had to modify my diet to see if what I was eating was aggravating my system. Because of that I have lost weight.
Yogis tell me I need to slow down. I know this but yet I feel like I can't let opportunity pass me by. So many wonderful opportunities have been offered, and I jump on board if my schedule allows, but it really is having an impact on my health.  I keep having that inner voice that says "OK, once you get past this week you can relax" but then something else comes along.
I have been trying to set aside more time each day to connect with my breath and detach from my physical body. When I do achieve this goal, it is so scrumptious. I feel renewed and very serene=happy! AND< thankful that I forced myself to just stop and BE.
This past week has been very busy for me. I taught many classes with some extra sub-ins, I had my personal Vinyasa workshop, and my 500 hr training workshops this weekend, and had to prepare myself for a guest appearance on a local television show. All this while my youngest son was ill.
My youngest son has not been feeling well for over a month. He has been experiencing stomach pain which is impacting all facets of his life. He has the tendency to be emotionally sensitive with health issues (and he has had health issues since infancy). I brought him to the hospital yesterday for some testing. It seems likely that he could possibly have IBS that is aggravated by stress. He was in a panic in the room waiting for the doctor. I had him practicing Dirgha breathing while waiting for the doctor. I told him over the summer he will be practicing yoga with me. Now we have to wait for results and go through more tests. He's 12 and so fragile emotionally. He had an invasive (and I'm sure he was embarrassed) procedure yesterday and immediately started to cry afterwards. Once we left the hospital, he was angry, declaring he was not going to have his blood drawn. Of course he did but he was so mad! As the doctor was going over symptoms and family illness history, he started to lecture me on why I should visit a doctor (Gastro doctor...YUCKY!!!). I know I should. This is the year I am going to take control of my health. He seems to think I might have IBS. I wouldn't be surprised. I am lactose intolerant and the slightest upsetting news can have me running to the bathroom. I can only handle one thing at a time.
I am taking care of my teeth (have dental surgery this Friday after teaching three classes. I've taken care with GYN, dermotologist, sono, mamo, etc.... Once I finish my dental work I will make an appointment with a G.I. specialist. I really don't like to go to doctors. It sends me in panic mode where I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest.  But my yoga has empowered me to take control. I have survived all my visits, and am being the rock for my son, so all in all, I can thank my yoga practice and the divine for giving me strength to proceed and tackle everything thrown my way!
Now, let me tell you about the TV show. The name of the show is "Mindlight", www.mindlight.net. It was awesome! There were 5 crew members. When the show was over (it was taped live with Q&A) all the crew members came into the studio and said it was perfect and there was no need to edit any portion of the show. We flowed through an hour effortlessly. Unfortunately this show aired in the NYC metropolitan area, not in the suburbs, where I live. I have to apply to Cablevision and see if we can air the show locally. That is on my agenda today (between classes of course). Here's a pic of me and the host  Anna Vitale. I look stressed, not a great pic (remember, my son is on my mind)
Two of my dear friends who live in the city limits watched the show and said it was great! My father also came with me and watched the show in the sound studio. That was the best part of all because my father was witness to a professional yoga teacher and not his daughter.   He was so proud of me. I felt like a 10 year old little girl bringing a honor roll report card home. It was incredible for both me and my father. I definitely could have cried tears of joy. I wish my mom was there.
I was also informed that Crunch is hosting open auditions in July. I will be there. I want to produce a Rahini Yoga DVD. Although I don't have the typical long, sleek and slim yogini look.
Speaking of looks, I shared with one of my yogini friends about my television appearance. She was very supportive and happy for me but said all the teachers at the studio I will be teaching at (starting next week) will be jealous. I told her that I only shared the news of my appearance with my family members, close friends, studio owner, my mentor and her. They wouldn't know about it. She then mentioned I should be proud and be able to speak about it. I agreed but I also said I wanted to avoid any discomfort with fellow yogis so I would not mention it.  I want to remain humble always.
Why is it when something good happens to someone, there are always others who try to knock that person down? I believe good opportunities have presented themselves to me because I give back to the universe without expecting anything in return. I enjoy my seva. I personally have not met that many yogis locally that do charity or fundraising work. I wonder why they don't. I don't judge them for that....I just wonder why they don't offer their time to help others. Life is so expansive and there is more to life then the self.
I sometimes am sad that I can't share my accomplishments with other local yoginis (and I mean women). I don't want to brag. I'm excited like a little girl. I want to scream "OMG, I can't believe it, look at this" but I can't.  I know what the result will be.
I can probably make this post pages long but then I'll probably bore the crap crap out of you.  I guess I just need to vent and share and most importantly, say thank you to the DS.
On one last note, I think YA did accept one of my photos for their 2008 calendar. Awesome. I can't hide that from any yogis but I won't advertise. If it happens and they stunle on it, so be it.
YIPEE, YAHOO!!!!! (Little girl jumping and cliking her heels like Dorothy from Wizard of OZ)
Thank you my sweet Divine. I am yours. Guide me, shine light on the path and I will push forward not letting fear hold me back. I will spread your message and nurture your seeds to grow.
My heart opens to send a warm love to spread through the universe.

Hemalayaa is coming to NYC and I'm going. I can't wait.
I've sent emails to all of my students who I think would enjoy this workshop.

What does ethics mean to you?
The Merriam Webster's definition of ethics is:
1 :The study of good and evil moral duty 2 : moral principles or practice 3 : honorable

When I went through training, there was a "Code of Ethics" that we reviewed extensively every day of every meeting.
I immediately felt connected with that code because I pride myself on my strong moral and ethical beliefs and my integrity. I just naturally assumed that all yogis adopted this concept if not already a representation of who they authenticly are.
I guess that is silly of me to have thought that. Why would yogis be any different than the majority of all populations? Right?
Although I would definitely say I personally enjoy the company of yogis to hang, sipping some tea and talking shop.
Anyone who is reading my blogs would know I am trying to find employment in a yoga studio. I didn't have a great debut (during my sub-in) but I really handled it pretty well. I tried not to attach to the desire "to want".
Well two days later I heard back from the studio owner. I really like speaking with her. It didn't use to be that way but someone we have been brought to one another and a relationship is growing.
Real quick, what I percieved as "bombing" turned out to be very positive. Many students from both classes had very positive feedback on my classes and asked when I will be teaching again. So I will be added to the schedule as soon as we can work a time slot that meets both of our needs.
But back to Ethics.
When I was speaking to this studio owner, we started to discuss two girls who are also enrolled in TT. I am assisting in the workshops. One is going for her 200 and the other is working on her 500 (if they come across this they'll know I am speaking of them so I am not giving any names or region). I knew that these two girls were opening a Yoga & Pilates studio nearby (very nearby, under 5 miles). I found out they were agressively pursuing this studio's teachers right under the owner's nose. One of the teachers they wanted told the studio owner this was happening and told the owner that she was not leaving and there was nothing to worry about. Well, on a one day notice she left and is working for this new studio that just had their grand opening this week. This left the studio owner is in a bind without coverage. And, this teacher who left emailed all her students to come with her.
Why did she bother to tell her employer (the studio owner) that she was staying put?
The studio owner is pained because she has given so much of her energy to nurture and mentor this teacher (who has left). I'm sure it's about the money. Why else would she leave so suddenly when this studio treated her so well?
Now the funny thing is, these two girls who just opened a studio have designed a website (very professional website I might add). While 90% of the statements in "About Us" is true, there is some claims that are not true yet, which leads me to believe that maybe there are some facts that are false. They have displayed less than desirable character traits in their business endeavors.

Code of Ethics:  Always be honest about your background, education and experience.

Once again, it's all about the mighty dollar. That really depresses me. I guess the more commercialized yoga becomes the more these situations will arise. Competition is rough and I guess you have to be a cut throat when more and more studios are competing in the same community. It's really a shame.

So now, this teacher that was going for her 500 hour has not been in the workshops. The other that is the 200 hour...........I wonder what is going to happen. How can she just march into this studio knowing she was unethical? I know I'm supposed to be detached but somehow I have lost respect for her. It is still possible to open a yoga studio and run your business ethically. How can I tell my students to go to this studio? I won't. I won't say anything negative but I will not reccomend this new studio because of her actions. Yoga or not, I don't like people who follow ethical procedures and practices to only suit their needs. And these are the women who will be teaching yoga (in all it's magnificence) in my community.

The more and more I become involved in the local yoga community, the more I see that's it's not that much different than my little "Desperate Housewives" community.  I want to have faith that we are trying to change the world, bringing peace and love to all. But yet, I feel let down.
Is it truly possible for westerners to adopt a practice that is based on equanimity in all off life? I don't know. But I will strive to be the change........forever.
I can't control others actions but I certainly can take responsibility and own my own.
Until the next bolg my mitras!
Please tell me how you feel. Do you feel betrayed in some small way? Are you aware of this? Do you care?
Mish

Lastnight I officially taught my first class (2 back to back) at a yoga studio. I was so nervous because I'm not big on chanting/mantras, although that is slowly changing. I decided to teach what is from my heart. I wanted to be authentic.

I tried to contact the studio owner for details on the classes I was subbing in for but we kept missing eachother so I relied on what the students told me.
The studio room is relatively small but 22 students packed in and this included three yoga teachers too. There was barely enough room to walk around. When I asked them what they practice with their regular teacher, they said they like to move and be engaged in a hard practice. I had planned on teaching a more restorative practice for the first class because the second was going to be a vigorous vinyasa. But when they said they like it tough I went a little further than I intended.
They informed me they like the room hot and usually the theromstat is turned to 76 degrees, so I obliged
I started the class and everyone was focused and letting me lead the class. But as the class progressed, there were 3 students in the back row chatting it up and giggling, and there was this other student that was doing her own thing. She was young, beautiful, thin and didn't break a smile once. As the class progressed smiles were nowhere to be found. Midway through a couple of students complained it was too warm.... go figure......so I turned the thermostat down.
 I tried to remain balanced and focused but it was hard. I was nervous and starting to feel a bit insecure. One woman walked out right before savasana without a nod or goodbye. I suspect she didn't enjoy the class.
When I walked out of the studio while they were in savasana, the studio owner asked me how it went. I told him "I don't know". That's how I felt. I couldn't tell whether they liked it or not. I know they were moaning and groaning like the class was too difficult but they said they like it tough. I catered to their wishes (which I probably shouldn't have done).
After the class was over, many students came to me and said they enjoyed the change and felt static poses are more difficult than dynamic (which any teacher knows that). But just as there were students who said they enjoyed it, there were also many students that walked right out without any acknowledgement or a considerate goodbye. Their body language was saying they didn't like or enjoy the practice. One thing I did realize, that even though they are taking classes in a studio, that they are not familair with Sanskrit terminology. I realized three quarters through the class they didn't know what I was talking about. They were following the few students that didn know sanskrit and asana names. Very interesting. I made assumptions and I shouldn't have.
I went in and teached what I know, although the true me did not come out because I was way too nervous. I don't even know why I was nervous. That is so not me. If anything, I come off as cocky because I am very confident but this was not the case lastnight.
I had a 25 minute break before the second class. This class is a regular schedule Astanga class. The students were notified that there would be a sub. Well I guess they decided not to come because only 4 students showed. Thanks to my regular students (who surpirsed me) I have a class of 14 students. Still, my energy was thrown off. I love my students and they definitely helped me relax a bit, but for whatever reason I was not my flowing spiritual self. Could this be my ego in hiding?
I had a class plan in my head for both classes but that went straight out the window once I started the classes.
What can I learn from this experience? That I need to detach, not worry about the results. I don't know why I have placed such a huge elephant around teaching at this studio. It should have been just another set of classes.
I've wanted for so long to break into the yoga studio scene. One studio owner said "Because you are a gym-yogi, we are reluctant to bring you in". I have seen yoga students come straight from their TT and be hand picked and mentored from studio owners. I didn't have that option, nor was I interested at that point in my yoga career.
One of my girlfriends asked me "Why do you want to teach at a yoga studio". I couldn't answer her. Maybe it is to validate myself, prove to the local yoga community that I am more than a gym rat,  I'm starting to ask myself, Is there really a difference between someone who teaches in a gym, local civic center, etc.....versus a yoga studio? I do believe the yoga studio atmoshpere helps a teacher grow but that doesn't necessarily mean they are in fact more spiritual and capable of leading "BETTER" classes. I know for a fact that some of these teachers are less experienced than me in dealing with large populations.
How can someone who teaches 2 classes a week compare with someone who teaches 10-15 classes a week? Maybe that is arrogant of me to state that. I say that speaking on my own experience. I work many hours, study on my off hours and maintain a healthy personal practice. I am definitely living a yogic life while taking care of my family, which is a difficult task. Why would someone assume I am not fully absorbed in my studies and practice?

Well, I must detach. I am not going to call the studio for results. I will see them soon enough. Whatever shall be, will be. I will be.............This is the way the divine spirit wishes it to be so I shall abide.
I am..............
Namaste!

I had a lot of downtime today. So i was cruising the Zaadzs blogs and came across this from a fellow yogini.
It pulled me in. But in the process it started me thinking, questioning, feeling......inward.
This is the first post I read:  (WARNING: This is a long thread)
http://upsidedown90.zaadz.com/blog/2007/2/vision_mission_and_goals

Then later on when I sat at the computer I remembered there was this poster in that thread. I wanted to read his profile and blogs (because he made reference to them)
I came across this thread that was a spill over from the first thread. Very deep.
I am now officially in a funky mood.....feeling super mellow and exploring my inner voice as I reflect on these two threads.
I am so new to yoga (10 years in). I do not know all the vedic scriptures, the sutras inside and out, etc.......
Yoga is so incredibly rich. This is a constant thought in my head. There is so much to learn. It might take me forty years to understand and clearly see and feel the truth, but I am living authentic. I am living my yoga. I'm not trying to adapt it to meet my needs. It is constantly changing. I am not the yogini I was 5 years ago, nor will I be the same yogini tomorrow. Life is forever flowing.
Am I a bad yogini because I'm on my path? My path acn not be your path. I feel so strong about who, where, and at what point I'm at, that there is not one person to convince me I am not living yoga.

And for the record, I am not a spiritual leader, I am a inspirational teacher!
I want to inspire people to live the life they deserve! When we are happy, we care about others. We must first learn to love and respect ourselves before we can lead others in that direction.
My intention is to create a life where all people can be, and will be happy! This can ripple out and impact all of humanity if we manifest .
OK, I'm babbling. Maybe I'm better off in my head right now.
To all Yogins and Yoginis that want to be the change..............Esah mama mitram!
Mish

Here's the second Blog to continue.....
http://jake.zaadz.com/blog/2007/3/slicing_through_spiritual_elitism

I love you girls. You both are so inspiring.

Well as usual, my life unfolds and gives me more opportunity.
I was called yesterday by a local public broadcasting show to appear as a guest. I am nervous. I have never appeared live and spoken to a camera, but this is a great opportunity to bring attention and awareness to Rahini Yoga.

I also submitted some pics to YA for thier 2008 calendar. I don't know whether they will use any of the photos I suplied but they did write me back and compliment my photos and asked for more information. That would be awesome if they were chosen for their calendar.

OK, am I feeding into my ego??? Maybe! But the reality is that the message is much larger than my image. Rahini needs exposure and I have been given the opportunity to present it.

For some reason my body still feels weak. I've been working more often than not for the past week and a half. My downtime will come tomorrow after I finish my 2 hour vinyasa class. I sometimes wonder if other teachers spend as much time as me mixing tunes for class. I feel like I am forever glued to this puter, putting together a new mix.

I went to a meditation class lastnight with a girlfriend then went to get a tattoo on my foot. I ended up walking out of the studio because they said they couldn't do it as small as I wanted. I want a small Ohm symbol on my right top foot, but I don't want it big, maybe slightly larger than a quarter. I'm going to check out some more tatto studios and speak with a few artists. I believe it can be done.
For some reason I feel like this universal energy is directing me away from this tattoo. lastnight was the third time I went to get it and it didn't work. First time they said they needed a drawing. I did that (my attached drawing)
. Second time place was closed. Then I figured I would cash my checks to pay for it but in three locations, check weren't in. Then lastnight! Go figure??? I'm thinking I might have to put this to rest.

Well the weather is beautiful. I have my music together for this morning's class. Just need to take a shower and meditate for 15 to realign, then off I go to class.

I need to restore my energy!!! Today is the day to sit quietly and be within!!!
So Hum!!!